The 5 Sex Positions Everyone Will Be Trying in 2021

Sex in 2020 was mostly about comfort and familiarity, as the vast majority of us followed stay-at-home guidelines once the pandemic hit. Now that vaccines have arrived and experts believe life will start returning to normal in 2021, the year will be all about stretching your sexual boundaries (physically or virtually) and feeling a stronger, deeper sense of intimacy with your partner (or yourself) without so much stress and anxiety. Here are the moves you’ll want to try, according to three sex experts.

The lotus

This full-body, eye to eye move offers lots of physical and romantic intimacy, Gigi Engle, certified sex coach and sexologist, tells Health. Here’s how to get into it: Have your partner sit on the bed, chair, or couch with their legs crossed one over the other in the shape of a pretzel. This is called “half lotus.” You get a “full lotus” when you join in, says Engle.

Sit on top of your partner and wrap your legs around them as if they were a tree trunk. Instead of bouncing up and down after penetration, move your hips back and forth in a rocking position. “The main appeal of this position is intimacy, says Engle. “It’s not to say that it’s off limits for a casual sex encounter, but keep in mind that there is a lot of face-to-face contact while in this position.” That means the opportunity to connect deeper and tighter on many levels.

RELATED: The Top 5 Sex Positions of 2020, According to Sex Therapists

Queening

This empowering sex position pushes you out of your comfort zone, giving you the confidence to receive intense pleasure from your partner unapologetically. Sit in a chair and spread your legs over both arms of the chair. Have your partner kneel inside your legs and use their mouth and fingers to touch and stimulate you. Engle recommends a chair that’s low to the ground, which is more comfortable for you both. “Queening is a take-charge, female-centered act,” says Engle, which puts you in control and with no obligation to return the pleasure.

Bluetooth-controlled bliss

Thanks to the pandemic, virtual sex became part of many couples’ lives, Debra Laino, a clinical sexologist, tells Health. Sex toy sales also skyrocketed, making socially distanced mutual masturbation, whether manually or with a hands-free sex toy, a hot option to connect sexually, according to Engle.

Here’s one way to do it: Strap on a bluetooth-controlled toy like the We-Vibe Moxie Remote and App Control Wearable Clitoral Panty Vibrator ($130, lovehoney.com) and let your virtual partner play with the 10 discreet settings to help you have a hands-free orgasm. For partners with pensises, try synced up sex toys like Lovense’s Max ($140; lovehoney.com) and Nora ($119; amazon.com) for the ultimate virtual sex experience that allows for any sex position you can dream of.

RELATED: 15 Masturbation Techniques From Real Women

Missionary magic

With romantic sex making a comeback, Florida-based sex therapist Rachel Needle, PsyD, tells Health, this passionate missionary move will be at the top of your repertoire. Lie on your back and have your partner penetrate while on top of you. Keep your legs close between theirs and have them angle their body forward, so their shaft is stimulating your clitoris as they move in and out. The simultaneous clitoral stimulation and G-spot penetration goes beyond your usual quick missionary-and-fall-asleep sex. “You can also squeeze your legs together to make your vagina feel tighter and create more friction for both of you,” says Needle.

Edge of heaven

This move is an adventurous spin on the usual woman on top position, says Needle: Straddle your partner while they’re sitting upright in a chair or on a couch, leaning on your knees with your toes pointing at the edge. After penetration, take charge of the action by bouncing up and down for deep, deep penetration. It’s perfect for partners of all shapes and sizes; you can connect via eye contact, and your breasts and nipples cget plenty of attention, too. “This is also perfect for clitoral stimulation because the woman can maneuver her body so that her clit rubs on his pelvic bone,” she says.

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Lots of sex-related activities and habits are controversial, including rough sex. But not everybody wants it slow and sensual all the time. And what’s commonly referred to as “rough sex” can include a whole range of things, depending on your particular turn-ons.

What rough sex means
“When folks talk about ‘rough sex,’ they usually mean that there’s an element of pain involved, that there’s an invocation of their carnal sexual energy, and that there’s an expectation of something happening that might be out of ordinary,” Marla Renee Stewart, sexologist for Lovers sexual wellness brand and retailer, tells Health.

Basically, if you want to rough it up, it’s about how you do things — not necessarily what you do. “You can do pretty much any erotic activity sweetly, slowly and sensuously — or fast, hard, and rough,” Barbara Carrellas, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) certified sex educator and ACS certified sexologist, tells Health.

RELATED: Why Am I Always Horny? These 3 Reasons Could Explain It

Sexual activities and positions on the rough end of the spectrum might include roleplay, restraint, biting, nail-digging, hard-thrusting intercourse, vigorous blow jobs or kissing, and anything intense that you can do with your hands — such as slapping, hair pulling, punching, grabbing, pushing, and ripping off clothing, says Carrellas.

BDSM, short for bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism, also falls under the rough sex category. So does any kind of sex that involves some level of danger, risk, or aggression — even if it’s not physical aggression and more about aggressive language, such as giving or following commands.

When rough sex crosses the line
It’s important to differentiate between rough sex and sexual assault, because there is an overlap. “The key differences are consent and pleasure — sexual assault is never consensual, but rough sex always is,” Carrellas explains. “And while rough sex is always pleasure-centered, sexual assault is never about pleasure.”

The fine line between the two means rough sex is a carefully negotiated power- exchange, taking into account both what the receiver would be excited about and what the giver is eager to give. Says Carrellas: “You can’t just agree to punch someone, for example, without knowing the safe places on the body to hit and how to do it without inflicting injury.”

Likewise, if you’re doing edgy role-play, you need to know if your partner has any past trauma around anything being role-played and be prepared to deal with emotional triggers if they happen.

Even if there’s no trauma in your past, it’s a good idea to have these conversations, Stewart says. “You don’t want to become traumatized during a sexual encounter,” she explains. She always suggests that her clients talk about it outside the bedroom and if you’re super shy, saying something like “I have a friend who is really into rough sex. What do you think about rough sex? Have you ever wanted to try it before?”

RELATED: The Best Lazy Sex Positions

That way, you can get a feel about what your partner might or might not like and then you can go into what constitutes rough sex for both of you — it takes out the guesswork, Stewart explains.

How to try rough sex safely
If you’re a newbie to rough sex, Stewart says scratching and biting are great starters. “Most folks are familiar as to what a scratch feels like, and light biting can be a step up from there,” she says. “You can always increase how hard you scratch and how hard you bite down according to your partner’s wants and needs.”

Although ads and movies are filled with depictions of rough sex, it is still considered edgy or off-limits. So it’s easy to feel weird about expressing your desires for it. Just remember, if you’re into rough sex (or the idea of it), what you want is not perverted or wrong — lots of other people want it, too. “Try not to judge yourself, don’t apologize for naming your desires, and don’t assume your lover will think you’re crazy and reject you,” Carrellas says. She recommends starting with something you’ve already done and enjoyed, like being held down during sex, or having your hair pulled while giving a blow job.

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After that, it’s simply a case of letting your imagination take over. Ask yourself, what might come before or after that? What else sounds hot? If you’re shy or just aren’t sure what you’d like, Carrellas suggests reading some erotica for inspiration, then sharing the best story with your lover, with the parts that you find really hot underlined. Or find images of what you want to try and text them to your partner.

If you’d like to do something but aren’t sure you know how to do it safely, Carrellas recommends reaching out to BDSM support groups (either online or in person) to find someone willing to show you how to do it correctly and safely. “Lots of people love rough sex and power exchange and will be thrilled to help you have as much fun as they are having,” she says.
The early stages of a relationship, when you can’t keep your hands off each other, are powered by a potent mixture of chemical forces in the brain — testosterone and estrogen create lust, while dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin form attraction. But the chemical bath doesn’t last forever, and when the high wears off, some couples find that they need to take steps to spice up their once-passionate sex life.

Before you get started trying to spice things up, think about the intention behind it. “Usually we want to ‘spice things up’ for a reason, and often this reason is emotional; we want to invoke different feelings — to feel excited, feel wanted, feel naughty, and feel alive,” sex and relationships therapist Cyndi Darnell tells Health. “Think about how you want to feel, and from there, think about the kinds of contexts that allow that to happen. Context is often more thrilling than the activity.”

RELATED: Rough Sex: What It Is, Why Some People Enjoy It, and How to Do It Safely

Feeling under pressure to be the best at sex or worrying that you’re not adventurous enough are common concerns. “Most of us take our sex education from pop culture — romantic comedies, pop songs, social media, erotica, and porn. These are great for imagination but they don’t help us with the execution,” Darnell explains. That’s where these expert tips for spicing up your sex life come in.

Spicing up foreplay
To make foreplay more passionate, think back to your adolescence. First, kissing is key. “Kissing helps you bond more with your partner, increases sex drive and arousal, and alleviates stress and anxiety,” Shelby Sells, sex, love, and life coach and resident expert at WOO More Play, tells Health.

Sells’ next tip also takes you back to those heady teenage years. “Grind like it’s 2005!” she advises. “Dry humping mimics the sensations of intercourse and develops more intimacy between partners.” Her final foreplay tip probably isn’t one that was top of the list when you were in high school, but your sex life will benefit if you add it to your agenda. “An erotic massage encourages both people to tap into their senses, relax, and explore pleasure in their body,” she says.

For SKYN Sex & Intimacy expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author Gigi Engle, foreplay isn’t something to rush through; it deserves time and attention. “If you want to have mind-blowing sex, double or triple your devoted foreplay time,” she tells Health. It’s not about setting a timer — the point is to stop seeing foreplay as a means to an end. “Getting down and dirty ASAP may sound amazing, but without proper lubrication, you could wind up with dryness, minor tearing, and a decreased chance of orgasm,” she says.

When it comes to stimulating your partner with your hands, Sells says lube is key. “It’s a wonderful tool to help foreplay last longer, while also preventing painful friction,” she explains. “Lube heightens sensitivity, adding more pleasure to manual sex.” And instead of reaching over to touch your partner, try touching yourself first. “Watching your partner touch themselves — and vice versa — can produce very erotic sensations,” she adds.

If you do want to stimulate your partner, sometimes a light, feathery touch is more exciting than a vigorous, faster one. Says Engle: “If you’re touching a clitoris, try moving in consistent circles, right to left, or up and down. You might experiment with direct or indirect clitoral touch, depending on your partner’s sensitivity.” Consider clitoral stimulation through thin, soft fabric, or touch all around the vulva but not directly on the clitoris itself.

Foreplay isn’t all about physical moves; it’s also the perfect chance to talk to your partner about what they’re in the mood for or want to try. “Opening up about what turns you on will not only guide your partner to the right areas, but the speaking about it can be a huge charge to the libido,” Engle explains. “Ask and thou shalt receive, after all.”

RELATED: Why Am I Always Horny? These 3 Reasons Could Explain It

Spicing up oral sex
A simple location change, like having oral sex outside of the bedroom, can make it feel more adventurous, and that pays off big when it comes to sensation. Sells also recommends experimenting with a toy, such as a cock ring or vibrator. And rather than mixing up the rhythm and pattern, find one consistent type of touch and stick to it, so your partner can get into the groove, advises Engle — whether it’s a steady up and down motion on the clitoris or penis, or a figure eight swirl across the vulva or testicles.

Paying attention to your partner’s physical cues will help you take your oral game to the next level. “If your partner is pushing her vulva into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working,” Engle explains, so keep doing it. “But if she’s pulling away or is dead silent, try something else.” While your partner’s body will tell you a lot about how they’re feeling, verbal cues are important, too. “Don’t just space out and do whatever you think they might like,” Engle says. “Be detail-oriented, and when in doubt, ask questions. All sex is a learning experience. A simple: ‘Does that feel good?’ or ‘Do you like it when I do X?’ can go a long way.”

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Spicing up penetrative sex
Rather than rushing into intercourse, Sells advocates building more excitement with dirty talk. “Name the sensations you’re feeling, make a request of what you want your partner to do, and let them know all the naughty things you’re thinking,” she says.

She also suggests watching porn together, or even making your own porn. “This shared experience builds sexual tension, encourages curiosity, and creates a safe space for partners to share their erotic fantasies,” she says. Making your own porn doesn’t require a whole bunch of equipment — you could try having sex in front of a mirror, or using your smartphone to film yourselves.

Finally, try to take pressure off the big O, which isn’t easy, since we’re conditioned to believe that all penetrative sex sessions should end with a bang. “Orgasms are fun, and if you want that to be your end game, that’s totally fine — it’s up to you,” Engle says. “The thing is, if we only see successful sexual play as one that ends with an orgasm, you’ll wind up disappointed sometimes.”

Instead of making orgasm the end-all-be-all of penetration, she suggests focus on pleasure. “Pleasure is wonderful for its own sake,” she explains. “If something feels good, enjoy it. If you have an orgasm (or a few), great. If not, you still had a wonderful time.” Also, the less you worry about having an orgasm, the easier it is to get lost in the pleasurable sensations your body is experiencing…which paradoxically can make it easier to climax.

RELATED: FaceTime Sex: How to Have It, and Why It Can Boost Your Sex Life

Spicing up post-orgasm intimacy
Aftercare is an essential part of sex. “To increase feelings of intimacy, I recommend holding each other and telling each other what felt best during the experience,” Sells says. “Taking a shower together or cooking up a post-sex treat are some more ways to connect with your partner afterwards.”

Engle believes that couples who practice aftercare will naturally develop closer, more intimate bonds. “Whether it’s cuddling, talking, or snuggling, taking care of your partner and vice versa is important,” she says. “After sex, we’re particularly vulnerable. We’re naked, we (may have) just had an orgasm, and our bodies are awash in calming, soothing neurotransmitters like oxytocin and dopamine.” The afterglow of a sex session is a unique moment, and enjoying it as a couple will definitely make the overall sexual experience spicier.